Wanted Register
The Register currently lists one (1) person. It has always listed one person. Applications to be added are reviewed quarterly and denied.
WANTED
- Name
- CRACKMAC I. Also answers to: the Founder, the Emperor, the Ground Floor. Does not answer.
- Offences
- Identity fraud (presenting as a single individual); entering an unlicensed covenant with an unregistered entity; possession of the only unpardoned memory; tax arrears since Year 1 (interest accruing, currently: everything); failure to appear (annually).
- Height
- Yes.
- Last seen
- Beneath. See land registry, page 1, and every page after it.
- Armed
- The question has been referred to the Church, which wept.
- Reward
- Full acquittal — the only acquittal the Ministry of Justice has ever offered or will ever grant. Transferable. Priceless. Uncollected.
Instructions to the public
Do not approach. Do not pray — prayer is a form of approach. If he speaks to you, complete form TER-1 within 24 hours and do not, under any circumstances, answer him, as answering constitutes correspondence with a fugitive and, per the Church, a sacrament.
Officers dispatched to the address "beneath" are reminded to file their return paperwork in advance, as a courtesy to their families.
This warrant is renewed each year on the Founder's commemoration, at which he fails to appear, which renews the warrant. The Ministry is aware of the shape this makes and has decided the shape is load-bearing.
Reported sightings, current year
- 03:33 — citizen reports the Founder "reading over my shoulder." Dismissed by the Ministry. Confirmed by the Church.
- 03:33 — same citizen, following night. Report identical, word for word. Handwriting: not the citizen's.
- 03:33 — no report was filed. A completed form TER-1 was nonetheless received.